Every so often I hear this phrase come up at the start of some conversations with certain Christians. I’ll say, “Hey, how’s it going?” and I typically will get the reply, “Oh, better than I deserve…”.
I’ve heard it so often now that my internal BS alarm went off and I figure there’s no better time to dig into this saying than now.
I’m not sure where the phrase originally came from, but as far as I can tell, it appears to at least been popularized by people like Dave Ramsey or pastor C.J. Mahaney of Sovereign Grace church.
In the sermon in the above link, Mahaney states:
Now, why am I saying [“better than I deserve”]? Well, I’m saying it for multiple reasons. I’m saying this because it’s a means. I make this statement. It’s not original with me. Nothing’s original with me. You’ll never hear an original thought here from me. I don’t do original. God wouldn’t entrust me with original. I’m arrogant enough without being given anything original.
It’s incredibly loathesome when anyone (but especially a pastor during a sermon) has to exclaim in such a prolonged manner how oh-so arrogant and unoriginal they are in an attempt to be humble as a preface to whatever they’re about to say next.
It’s a way to preach the gospel to myself every day…I’m not recommending you become that animated when interacting with somebody. I’m just trying to impress upon you that this statement I make is a means of preaching the gospel to myself, so even if that individual isn’t startled or perplexed or doesn’t interact with me, I’ve effectively told a profound truth and I’ve preached to myself.
“Well, even though people aren’t responding in the way I’d like in a way that shows just how humble and anti-worldly/anti-fleshly I am, at least I can preach to myself”. Well he did say he was arrogant.
Every day, I am doing better than I deserve. I am never doing worse than I deserve, never, ever doing worse than I deserve, because I deserve hell. And by the grace of God, I have been forgiven of my sins, and I now live free from fear of future wrath because of the substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross for my sins. If my point of reference is hell—and I recommend that as a point of reference—then I’m doing better than I deserve.
In which I find absolutely zero basis for his recommended framing device. What all this is tantamount to is virtue-signaling by and for narcissists under the guise of humility and “speaking gospel truth wherever we can in conversation”, which to me translates to, “Being a try-hard rather than being genuine and speaking with plainness”.
Some may be quick to point out that they’re just trying to always remember what they’re saved from, but in the context of making friendly conversation with an acquaintance or talking with a friend/family member, that’s merely the cover story for what amounts to humble-bragging. It adds nothing. It’s not edifying. It’s not encouraging. It’s just “fronting” of the most tedious sort. Why would simply being cordial and direct not be the correct action to take most of the time? Is saying, “Yeah, I had a rough day today” somehow sacrilegious? Take a look at these passages of Scripture and note how different the tone and orientation is to what this pastor has said:
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.
And:
Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.
And:
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.
And much more could be said regarding Job, the psalms of lament, and Lamentations itself, regarding talking with God and expressing frustration in what one is going through.
This sort of orientation/mind-set is not found in Scripture. While the Bible does indeed remind us to not complain nor grumble (Philippians 2, 1 Peter 4), the above scenario is anything but humble rebuke or loving correction. Notice what Paul says in Philippians 2:
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
Note that the “reference point” isn’t Hell, it’s sharing in the same mind of Christ, and that of love, affection, actual humility, and deference.
It’s precisely this kind of trite slogan that Protestant evangelicals tend to latch on to as they find more and more ways to merely mouth humility, “giving glory to God alone”, “how bad sin is”, and so forth, then teach it to others and in turn stoke further narcissism or gaslight them into bottling up their stress, trauma, and frustrations with no healthy/appropriate outlet and instead just put on a front.
Remember, the kingdom of God is not in word, but in power, and humble-braggart narcissists are precisely the sort of people who have a form of godliness but denying its power.
And from such people turn away.